I’m trying out blogspot. My new home is http://ladyfury-rn.blogspot.com.
Mmmmm, smooth January 4, 2009
I’ve been having a lot of trouble eating and keeping food down lately. Of course that makes me feel worse. It’s a great weight loss plan but not too healthy! Anyhow, I came up with a great protein packed fruit smoothie. I admit I used to make these for some of my elderly patients in the long-term care home I was at. Sometimes that was all they could eat. Boy, I sure have a better understanding of them now!
Jenn’s Fruit Smoothie
1 cup frozen mixed fruit
1/4 cup non-fat cottage cheese
1 scoop protein mix (any flavor or brand will do. I’m using Spirulina in blueberry for now)
1/2 cup non-fat milk
1 teabag chamomile or green tea, loose
Optional:
banana
soy instead of milk
fiber, flax seed, etc.
Blend on high speed for 2 minutes until smooth, thick, and creamy. They are truly delicious and are full of protein and don’t seem to upset my tummy. The chamomile helps relax me as well.
If you get adventurous, try it and let me know what you think!
Btw, today was a much better day. I started off feeling the funk, but would NOT allow it to consume me. And it didn’t.
Hugs, Jenn
It’s 2 a.m. and I just can’t sleep so I thought I’d blog! January 4, 2009
I’ve been bouncing back and forth between blogspot and wordpress and have discovered a bunch of my friends and faves from JS. I am still reeling from the shock of losing my blogging home.
I feel better tonight. Just a lot to chew off regarding my health. The positive things are this:
1) I’m GOING to lose weight this year. I WILL do it!
2) I am a registered nurse now. My dream is accomplished.
3) I can control this disease, not let it control me.
4) I am taking my health into my own hands. I don’t like what my doctor’s here are saying so I am going to take my business elsewhere, where I am listened to and evaluated properly.
5) I am going to eat healthier. I’m not in school any longer so no more excuses here!
6) I finally have an answer to all my health problems after 5 years. Nothing that I expected, but hey, it could be worse, right? I have been diagnosed with everything from Meniere’s Disease to Bipolar II disorder. I have learned increased intracranial pressure can, um, er, press on your brain and cause rapid mood swings, depression, and balance, and dizziness issues. Jeez, maybe that’s why the antidepressants NEVER worked! I knew I should have listened to Sarah-Boogie a long time ago!
7) I am going to research all I can on intracranial hypertension and find out how others live with it. It’s not the end of the world.
8) I am going to quit feeling sorry for myself.
9) I am going to repeat all of this tomorrow because I will wake up feeling sorry for myself again 
Everyone who has commented has been so kind and supportive. I know we all have trials and tribulations. This is my turn. I’ll be all right.
I love all of my blogging friends!
Hugs, Jenn
Depressed January 3, 2009
I woke up this morning feeling depressed. There are so many reasons for this right now that it’s hard to categorize them. Let me try. Not that you might care. In fact, it’s actually pretty pathetic. But I work well with lists as they help me recognize solutions on occasion.
1) I HATE Alaska. I have come to realize this in the past year. The same people. It’s cold and rainy all the time. I really need sunshine.
2) My current health status. It could be a lot worse. I am much more fortunate than others. But I’m still depressed. The 14 pills I take daily make me feel worse than this stupid illness does.
3) Because I was down and out for two weeks in the hospital, I did not have an opportunity to 1) send in my fingerprints and passport photos to the St. of AK dept. of licensing to get my temp. nursing license, and 2) was not able to put in my application for the hospital. Everyone I graduated with has already completed all of this, so I am going to look like the lazy last minute gal.
4) I can’t sleep worth shit.
5) The kids go back to school Monday. I didn’t get to spend the holidays with them at all and I miss them so much it’s painful.
There’s more but now I’m more depressed. I just feel like a worthless shell of a person right now. I have nothing to offer and that’s something I am NOT used to.
~Jenn~
Sore and nocturnal cooking January 2, 2009
While in the hospital, a PICC line (essentially a HUGE IV) was put in my right arm. Before I was discharged it was removed. Today I can hardly move my arm because of the pain. It went straight through the muscle in my upper arm until it wound up somewhere above my superior vena cava. I can hardly use it and having no personal experience with a PICC line, I am worried it’s either 1) infected or 2) has nerve damage. Time will tell. I’m going to pump some Ibuprofen down and see if that helps at all.
My parents and sibs came over yesterday evening, even though I felt like crap, and we ended up finally opening the Christmas presents. My kids had to wait too long. I actually felt better by the end of the evening.
One thing I am ashamed of is I have a brother who has severe cerebral palsy. My mom’s entire world revolves around the schedule of his care. If I need her, she can’t just come to me. She has to ensure someone can care for him who is competenent or she brings hims, which is what usually happens. Anyhow, I blew up. I needed, selfishly, my mom last night. She understandbly didn’t know what to do about my brother. I finally just said, “I am sick and tired of putting how I feel on the back burner because he needs you. Did it not occur to you I might need you. Right now?” I felt evil for saying these things and apologized. It’s not fair to my mom. She didn’t ask for her lot in life. It’s just that I needed her last night. Not Adam. Not the kids. I needed my mom. And as usual it sounded as if it would become a bigger production than a Britney Spears video for her to hang out at my house for a couple of more hours.
Needless to say, my mom made it work and gave me the attention I needed. I feel kind of pathetic being a 37 year-old woman who “needs” her mommy to make things all right for her. But last night, I needed that. God, how I needed that. I need my mom. I need my entire family right now. But it was her turn last night. And she provided the goods. I just wish I didn’t feel so badly for throwing a hissy fit.
Last night I finally fell asleep around 2 a.m. I have horrible insomnia. 20 minutes later I was awakened by the smell of roast beef and gravy. I mean I REALLY smelled it! I thought our 16 year old had awoken and found some sort of left over. It was at that moment I realized I never ate dinner because I was too nauseaous too. I was ravenous. Adam of course got of up with me. When I got to the kitchen, it was obvious no nocturnal cooking had taken place. My “tumor” was mostly likely pressing against a nerve, activating my olfactory senses. I REALLY smelled the stuff. And by then I was insatiable. I HAD to eat. I found some broccoli au grautin in the freezer and heated that up. It wasn’t beef and gravy but it hit my spot. I was finally able to sleep.
The medication I’m on gives the worst side effects, like peeing and the other all day. I swear no GI system is cleaner than mine is! No one could beat me! Today I am going to figure out what’s up with my right arm. I’m glad I’m left-handed. I need to take my a.m. pills and have been putting those off because they make me feel so badly.
In positive news I am cutting ALL of my hair off. Short short short. I found a great hair style I think will work. I am tired of pulling my hair back for work. As a nurse, I am better off with short hair. Less for me to drag through bodily fluids. Besides, the hair clips hurt my head. And my head hurts bad enough.
My one piece of advice is this: If you have constant headaches that are only partially relieved by wrapping your head in ice packs, go see a doctor. This is not normal! I thought all these symptoms, the fatigue, and so on were stress related to school. Now I know the truth. My close up vision is okay so far today and I am not seeing everything in triplicate, so this must be a good sign
I’m leaving you with a cute little ditty of a song that warms me from my head to my toes. I wish life were always these carefree. Enjoy.
Hugs, Jenn
Never felt more like a fury than I do today January 1, 2009
Today I woke up horribly depressed at the loss of Journalspace. So many things in life are unfair. We all have difficulties and problems. However, this could not have come at a WORSE time for me. I was diagnosed two weeks ago with a condition known as intracranial hypertension and have been in our joke of a hospital being treated. I was finally discharged home last night.
Nothing in my life is the same. I have a “pseudo tumor” in my brain, pressing on my optic nerve. Should the pressure increase, I will go permanently and irrevocably blind as the neurologist so “kindly” put it. My husband, family, and friends are as always a great support. However, this is one of those times I desparately need to reach out to my friends on JS.
As I sit here realizing I need to take over 14 pills a day to maintain an appropriate intracranial pressure on a daily basis, looking at a future of possible blindness, shunts to the head, and the inability to hold my husband or children or be a nurse, I feel angry. And I’m I’m angry my friends at journalspace can’t be there for me.
Oh, I know, this anger serves no purpose and is even detrimental. I already regret posting this. But this is part of who I am. I miss you all. You have been my friends and confidants over the past five years of my life. I will never forget any of you, and wish more than anything I can stay in touch with you all.
The following video describes EXACTLY how I am feeling today.
All my love
Jenn a.k.a. LadyFury
