While in the hospital, a PICC line (essentially a HUGE IV) was put in my right arm. Before I was discharged it was removed. Today I can hardly move my arm because of the pain. It went straight through the muscle in my upper arm until it wound up somewhere above my superior vena cava. I can hardly use it and having no personal experience with a PICC line, I am worried it’s either 1) infected or 2) has nerve damage. Time will tell. I’m going to pump some Ibuprofen down and see if that helps at all.
My parents and sibs came over yesterday evening, even though I felt like crap, and we ended up finally opening the Christmas presents. My kids had to wait too long. I actually felt better by the end of the evening.
One thing I am ashamed of is I have a brother who has severe cerebral palsy. My mom’s entire world revolves around the schedule of his care. If I need her, she can’t just come to me. She has to ensure someone can care for him who is competenent or she brings hims, which is what usually happens. Anyhow, I blew up. I needed, selfishly, my mom last night. She understandbly didn’t know what to do about my brother. I finally just said, “I am sick and tired of putting how I feel on the back burner because he needs you. Did it not occur to you I might need you. Right now?” I felt evil for saying these things and apologized. It’s not fair to my mom. She didn’t ask for her lot in life. It’s just that I needed her last night. Not Adam. Not the kids. I needed my mom. And as usual it sounded as if it would become a bigger production than a Britney Spears video for her to hang out at my house for a couple of more hours.
Needless to say, my mom made it work and gave me the attention I needed. I feel kind of pathetic being a 37 year-old woman who “needs” her mommy to make things all right for her. But last night, I needed that. God, how I needed that. I need my mom. I need my entire family right now. But it was her turn last night. And she provided the goods. I just wish I didn’t feel so badly for throwing a hissy fit.
Last night I finally fell asleep around 2 a.m. I have horrible insomnia. 20 minutes later I was awakened by the smell of roast beef and gravy. I mean I REALLY smelled it! I thought our 16 year old had awoken and found some sort of left over. It was at that moment I realized I never ate dinner because I was too nauseaous too. I was ravenous. Adam of course got of up with me. When I got to the kitchen, it was obvious no nocturnal cooking had taken place. My “tumor” was mostly likely pressing against a nerve, activating my olfactory senses. I REALLY smelled the stuff. And by then I was insatiable. I HAD to eat. I found some broccoli au grautin in the freezer and heated that up. It wasn’t beef and gravy but it hit my spot. I was finally able to sleep.
The medication I’m on gives the worst side effects, like peeing and the other all day. I swear no GI system is cleaner than mine is! No one could beat me! Today I am going to figure out what’s up with my right arm. I’m glad I’m left-handed. I need to take my a.m. pills and have been putting those off because they make me feel so badly.
In positive news I am cutting ALL of my hair off. Short short short. I found a great hair style I think will work. I am tired of pulling my hair back for work. As a nurse, I am better off with short hair. Less for me to drag through bodily fluids. Besides, the hair clips hurt my head. And my head hurts bad enough.
My one piece of advice is this: If you have constant headaches that are only partially relieved by wrapping your head in ice packs, go see a doctor. This is not normal! I thought all these symptoms, the fatigue, and so on were stress related to school. Now I know the truth. My close up vision is okay so far today and I am not seeing everything in triplicate, so this must be a good sign 
I’m leaving you with a cute little ditty of a song that warms me from my head to my toes. I wish life were always these carefree. Enjoy.
Hugs, Jenn
Damn, Jenn. That’s awful.
I’m glad you got the attention from your mom. You don’t need to feel bad about fighting for something once in a while. You aren’t evil.